A yachtsman who claimed to have sailed solo around the world has confessed that all he actually did was sail over the horizon and drop anchor for a year before sailing back in to the same port that he’d left from.
“No way would I really sail solo around the world, there’s sharks and giant squids and hurricanes and pirates and all kinds of stuff that could hurt me”, said Sir Allan Wusschester after cruising triumphantly back into Sydney Harbour. “All the babes at the yacht club think I’m dead hard and I didn’t even miss an episode of my favourite TV shows.”
“In retrospect we should have been suspicious that Sir Allan was remarkably up to date with what was happening on The Bachelorette even though he was meant to be somewhere in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean when the final episode was broadcast,” said Admiral Peter Bellbottom, president of the Port Jackson Cruising Yacht Club. “He sent us a photo every day but when you come to think of it, every bit of the open sea looks exactly like every other bit of the open sea.”
Suspicions were raised when a lone kayaker meeting Sir Allan’s description regularly paddled in to Mona Vale beach to pick up a takeaway pizza at a time when the famed adventurer was meant to be rounding Cape Horn.
“Sir Allan can’t talk to you today because he is currently attempting to be the first man to climb Mount Everest without carrying a camera or being spotted going through customs at Katmandu airport,” said a man who claimed to be Sir Allan’s identical twin brother Gus when we went around to his place for an interview.