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“I Wish I Was Rich Enough To Eat Like A 17th Century Flemish Peasant” Thinks Man Staring In Window Of Artisanal Bakery

A shire man staring idly at the pricey wares on offer in an Eastern Suburbs artisanal bakery is currently wishing that he was wealthy enough to afford to eat like a subsistence farmer from the renaissance. “You must have had to have made a fortune in the tulip craze to find room in your budget for a boulot sourdough loaf and a raisin snail,” mused … Continue reading “I Wish I Was Rich Enough To Eat Like A 17th Century Flemish Peasant” Thinks Man Staring In Window Of Artisanal Bakery

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Medieval Peasant Soldiers On At Work Despite Bad Case Of Bubonic Plague

A medieval peasant is continuing to soldier on at work with a heavy dose of bubonic plague despite being urged to take a few days off by his boss and fellow workers. “I noticed on Friday afternoon that Gary was a bit headachy and had a couple of large black pus filled buboes in his armpits and suggested he might want to take the rest … Continue reading Medieval Peasant Soldiers On At Work Despite Bad Case Of Bubonic Plague

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Wanker Scratching “Walk The Camino” Off Bucket List Really Annoyed With All The Fricking Pilgrims Cluttering Up the Path

An Aussie wanker attempting to strike walking the Camino de Santiago off his bucket list has been dismayed to find his enjoyment of the experience ruined by all the Catholic pilgrims clogging up the trail. “I was really hoping to find peace and quiet to reflect upon what I could write in my daily blog but there’s stuff all chance of that with all these … Continue reading Wanker Scratching “Walk The Camino” Off Bucket List Really Annoyed With All The Fricking Pilgrims Cluttering Up the Path

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“Let Me Through, I’m A Wellness Blogger” Says Useless Prick At Accident Scene

An absolute waste of atoms has heroically pushed his way through the crowd at the site of a horrific accident to administer some wellness to the seriously injured victim. “Stand aside everyone, I’m a qualified wellness blogger,” said grade a knob Digby Milligan as he shoved his way past a lecturer in first aid and an off duty brain surgeon to lend his inexpertise to … Continue reading “Let Me Through, I’m A Wellness Blogger” Says Useless Prick At Accident Scene

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Car Better Dressed Than Owner

Friends and close relatives of a shire car owner agree that he dresses his 2004 Mitsubishi Lancer a lot better than he dresses himself. “I reckon if Wayne could get away with throwing a tarp over himself he would,” said Phil Truscott, best friend of Sutherland elevator mechanic Wayne Wrightson. “At least that thing he covers his car with has been properly measured to fit … Continue reading Car Better Dressed Than Owner

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Shrinking Wagon Wheels Prove The Universe Is Contracting, Say Physicists

The shrinking size of Wagon Wheels is proof that the universe has stopped expanding, according to Nobel Prize winning physicists working at the Hadron Collider. “Judging by the relative width and thickness of Wagon Wheels, we speculate that the universe stopped expanding sometime around the middle of 1972,” said Professor Audrey Higgs-Boson from the European Organisation for Nuclear Research (CERN). “The fundamental forces of the … Continue reading Shrinking Wagon Wheels Prove The Universe Is Contracting, Say Physicists

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People Who Say “Sandshoe” Instead Of “Thank You” Listed As Endangered Species

The International Union for Conservation of Nature has placed the Australian native animal Strinus dunlopus, more commonly known as people who say “sandshoe” instead of “thank you”, on its list of critically endangered species. “Back in the 1930s and 1940s people saying “sandshoe” instead of “thank you” were a common sight in front bars, racetracks and rows of terrace houses,” said Dr Digger Struth, professor … Continue reading People Who Say “Sandshoe” Instead Of “Thank You” Listed As Endangered Species

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Grandpa Snaps And Calls Someone “a so and so”

A south west Sydney retirement home is in shock after elderly resident Clarrie Bushells completely lost it and called someone a “so and so” during an angry tirade. “I’d always considered Clarrie to be an absolute gentleman and was so startled when he dropped the “s word” that I had quite a turn and fainted on the spot,” said fellow retiree Doris Scone. “He always … Continue reading Grandpa Snaps And Calls Someone “a so and so”

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Didgeridoo Finds Permanent Home In Rear Of Danish Garage

After being carefully nurtured through a nine month tour of Australia in a tube of bubble wrap, a didgeridoo has at last been settled into its final resting place up the back of some garage in Copenhagen. “Nothing says I’m a dead set European backpacking dickhead quite like lugging a bubble wrap clad didge all the way from Darwin down the eastern seaboard,” said Danish … Continue reading Didgeridoo Finds Permanent Home In Rear Of Danish Garage

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Very Fast Sushi Train Will Deliver Salmon Roll From Melbourne To Sydney In Three Hours

The government has commissioned a feasibility study to look into the construction of a Very Fast Sushi Train down the eastern seaboard, raising hopes that sushi aficionados in Brisbane will be able to sample a frilled scallop nigiri that has been prepared less than five hours earlier in a Melbourne kitchen. “A whole new line would have to be constructed at a cost of $15 … Continue reading Very Fast Sushi Train Will Deliver Salmon Roll From Melbourne To Sydney In Three Hours

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