Canberra To Once Again Be Punished With Summernats

The pleasant city of Canberra will once again be punished by the rest of Australia for being the nicest place to live by being forced to host the Summernats. “They have all the museums, the war memorial, Floriade, one of the best universities in the world and a cosmopolitan and well educated population, so we think it’s only fair that once a year every toolbox … Continue reading Canberra To Once Again Be Punished With Summernats

38 Year Old Man Now Owns Every Shirt He’s Going To Wear For The Rest Of His Life

A 38 year old shire man is done and dusted as far as shirt shopping goes for the rest of his life after recently adding an eighth shirt to his wardrobe. “That’s it, unless I magically grow an extra arm or something, I don’t see any reason why I’d need to buy another shirt,” said Dolan’s Bay electrician Phil Hubbard after impulse buying a plain … Continue reading 38 Year Old Man Now Owns Every Shirt He’s Going To Wear For The Rest Of His Life

Heavy Duty Tradies Radio Won’t Play Classical Music Station

A violin concerto loving roof tiler has been forced to listen to nothing but blocks of non stop rock from the local FM radio station after learning that the no nonsense worksite radio he bought from the hardware store lacks the ability to pick up the classical music station. “Whenever I turn the dial to the frequency for the classical and fine music station I … Continue reading Heavy Duty Tradies Radio Won’t Play Classical Music Station

Three Year Old Being Good Boy For His Mum, Reports Shire Tradie

Gunnamatta Bay toddler Jackson Atkins has confirmed that he is being a good boy for his mum after being questioned on the subject whilst watching a local tradie repair his family’s broken washing machine. “He was reluctant to give me any kind of answer at first and tried to avoid the question by burying his face in his mum’s side,” said Taren Point washing machine … Continue reading Three Year Old Being Good Boy For His Mum, Reports Shire Tradie

Missing Microchipped Company Employee Found Safe At Dog Pound

A newly microchipped employee of an American company has been found safe and well at the local dog pound after going missing for nearly a week. “We’d been worried sick that we’d never see Trent again after some idiot left the company gate open and he managed to slip away,” said relieved the CEO of Three Square Market. “Fortunately he was picked up by the … Continue reading Missing Microchipped Company Employee Found Safe At Dog Pound

Beached Whale Pushed Back Into High Rollers Room At Casino

A whale found stranded on a north coast beach has been successfully returned to the high rollers of the Star Casino after a concerted effort from Greenpeace and local surfers. “I was out for an early morning ride when I spotted this confused looking wealthy gambler floundering in the breakers,” said Jellyfish Point surfer Gavin Grommett. “He’d obviously become detached from the rest of his … Continue reading Beached Whale Pushed Back Into High Rollers Room At Casino

Considerate Boyfriend Amputates Arm To Make Spooning Easier

A resourceful shire man has had his left arm surgically removed to enable him to spoon with his girlfriend every morning without poking her in the back with his elbow. “I’m right handed so I don’t actually use for left hand for anything much other then for doing the Hokey Pokey and showing people the size of fish that got away,” said Illawong significant other … Continue reading Considerate Boyfriend Amputates Arm To Make Spooning Easier

Exterminator Clears Cafe Of Infestation Of Year Eleven Kids

A shire cafe is back open for business after calling in a pest exterminator to rid it of an infestation of year eleven kids from the local high school. “They were here every morning before school and back again in the afternoon after school, pretending to be so grown up,” said Bryce Pinkerton, owner of the ‘Oh Oh Chino’ cafe in Gymea. “I try and … Continue reading Exterminator Clears Cafe Of Infestation Of Year Eleven Kids

Husbands Enjoy Daily Run In “Man Park”

Sydney’s first dedicated “man park” has been declared a success with hundreds of wives visiting it each day to give their husbands a chance to exercise and play with other husbands. “We live in a small apartment and Troy is cooped up indoors all day while I’m at work so he grabs his leash as soon as I walk through the door wanting to be … Continue reading Husbands Enjoy Daily Run In “Man Park”

Wills Pleads With Burke To Just Use The Damn GPS

Explorer William Wills has once again asked his companion Robert O’Hara Burke to stop consulting the Gregory’s and to ask the Satnav for directions as they continue their journey across the desert of central Australia. “We’re running about two months late already so I wish he’d just swallow his pride and switch on the Tom Tom,” said an exasperated Wills as Burke desperately flicked through … Continue reading Wills Pleads With Burke To Just Use The Damn GPS