Embarrassed troopers have admitted they released the notorious Ned Kelly gang from captivity after being fooled into thinking they were a group of baristas on their way to open a pop up cafe in Glenrowan.
“They all had big bushy beards just like in the posters but explained that they were hanging around the bank because they wanted to go see the manager about getting a loan to start a craft brewery,” said constable James Poshtwit from the Victorian troopers. “Ned then whipped me up a tasty sourdough damper on the campfire and a billy of Japanese matcha tea.”
“They were carrying a large metal object with a slot cut into it that Ned told us was a cappuccino machine,” said constable Edward Bullyboy. “We apologised profusely and let them go as they said they were already late for an appointment with Sidney Nolan to have their portraits done for their Facebook profile.”
Gang leader Ned Kelly released a statement saying he was confident that heavy armour covering his head was all he needed because he believed that troopers were too stupid to ever think of aiming for his legs.
Peter Green
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So, it has come to this?
Such is life.
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This story is true. And everybody knows what the manager of the bank in Glenrowan said when they came in: “What’s the hold up? Where is my mochaccino?”
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Explains a lot!!
Thanks
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Nice satirical piece. Very timely. We’ve (mozartandcoltrane.wordpress.com) have got something coming up on hipsters this week. I’ll let you know
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His first lieutenant known as ‘JOE’ , Joseph ‘Joe’ Byrne is my great uncle. Much of what you have learnt about their tales or history from ‘others’ and writings of such are often maligned or taken well out of context. The Kelly Gang, outwitted, outsmarted even the most intelligent of people in their time but as history would have you believe, the gang were ruthless outlaws hell bent on harming those around them..they were no more than young boys and their fate was set about by the ‘ruthless’ police officers two of whom made sure that the very young Ned Kelly and Joe’ Byrne in particular were treated like dirt beneath their feet. I can’t say they did not do wrong as they got older, but it never started that way, and their families know the truth of their lives..Ned often dictated & Joe wrote the truth in their letters, both trying to set the record straight on all counts you would know a small part of this in the famously known the Jerilderee letter and others, and there is much more to these men that the public will most likely ever know..I aim to set the record straight in time ..:)
Tracey Kay
“J
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