A shire man is fighting for his life in an intensive care ward after he casually put in a piece of the jigsaw puzzle that his wife had been trying to place for the past week.
“The piece was a mixture of dark brown and white with a red blob on the end of one of the knobbly bits that had been frustrating me for several days,” said Loftus jigsaw puzzler Jacquie Tabletop from her police cell. “That idiot just picked it up and put it straight where it belonged at the end of the rope tying the boat to the jetty. I just snapped.”
Doctors say the patient, Loftus landscape gardener Kevin Tabletop, was rushed to the hospital after being torn into 500 pieces by his enraged wife.
“We’ve done our best to put him back together again, starting with the edge pieces and working our way in,” said head surgeon Bruce Scalpel. “Several bits are still missing and we think we may have put one of his thumbs in the wrong place.”
The New South Wales Health Minister has put out a plea to husbands to think twice before putting in a piece of their wives jigsaws, pointing out where a card could be played in a game of solitaire or spoiling the ending of a Jane Austen movie by stating which character the leading lady is obviously going to end up marrying.
“Intensive care beds are at a premium and we wish to reserve them for patients with Covid 19,” said a furious Brad Hazzard. “You might think you are helping but please don’t put in any pieces of anyone else’s jigsaw, even if it is sticking out like dog’s balls.”
Peter Green
bobvulture 